Wednesday 17 May 2017

Stuff My Kids Say, Part Five

My twins boys R and J are almost four years old. They say stuff. It's sometimes funny. Here's a picture of them:

There is also a ten-month old named O. He doesn't do much yet, but he does make a cameo appearance in one story here.

1.
One morning I asked J, "could you please get dressed?".

He looked at me, grunted angrily, and slumped to his knees, before falling forward to the ground.

"I think that's a no," suggested R helpfully.

2.
On the way home from the train station after work/child-care, a person jogged past us.

"Why is that girl running?", asked R.

"She is just doing some exercise," I replied.

"She is not!", R yelled, to my surprise. "People don't run on roads, only at exercise places!". I think he meant gyms.

"Nah, people run on roads all the time. I used to do it."

He looked at me.

"You're lying."

I didn't know what to say. Partially because of the conviction in his voice - he was certain I was lying to him. And partially because I wasn't sure whether the part he thought was a lie was that people ran on roads, or that I would run at all.

After an extended silence, R said, "running on roads is only for when you're late for a bus."

3.
That isn't the last time R has accused me of lying. One morning on the way to childcare, we had the following conversation.

"Dada," it began, "did you know all my toes are different sizes?"

"Yes, I do."

"Your toes are all the same size, because you are bigger".

"They aren't," I replied.

"They are! I've seen them. You're telling me lies."

4.
Back to running, and J doesn't run on roads, but he does run.

We were watching a movie on DVD, when he suddenly jumped off the couch and ran the length of the house - to the front door and back - before settling back on the couch to continue watching.

"What were you doing?", I asked.

"I needed to run," he replied.

5.
J would also like baby O to run, although he can't even walk yet. I once caught J throwing his favourite stuffed animal - Bullseye from Toy Story - then yelling "fetch the Bullseye!" while trying to push O along the tiles.

6.
A few Saturday mornings ago, I asked the boys what they wanted to do today. The key to providing small children choices is to have all possibilities covered. In this case everything was on the table - playground, scooters, cafe, movie, shops - so there could be no disappointment. Or so I thought.

"I want to go to the circus," R said enthusiastically.

"I want to go ice skating," suggested J.

7.
Another morning, and R was up very early and still half asleep, so I put television on to keep him occupied until his siblings woke up.

After a minute or so, I looked over, and he appeared to have tears in his eyes.

"What's the matter?", I asked.

"I don't like it when Thomas is on television", he said sadly. I immediately understood. I don't really like Thomas the Tank Engine either.

Also, my kids always say "television" instead of "TV". It's cute but slightly weird.

8.
In the last instalment, I explained that R talks way more than J. I had assumed that J wanted to talk, but was unable to get a word in. I've since discovered this may not be true.

It was another trip home after work and childcare, walking from the train station, and R literally talked for six minutes without stopping. I decided to interrupt to ask J if he wanted to tell me anything.

He ignored me.

Further down the road, J tripped over his own feet and crashed into a fence. We were holding hands, so I managed to pull him up before he grazed his knees, elbows, and maybe his face.

I crouched down to his level, and asked him if he was ok. He looked a bit shaken up.

He looked at me. Then he looked off into the distance and said, "I'm not saying."

9.
Another thing J won't say is "sorry".

Well, he says sorry when it's trivial. But if it's actually an important thing, like he's accidentally hurt someone, he gets embarrassed and angry (with himself?) and won't apologise.

One time when I was trying to explain to him why he needed to say sorry, he yelled, "I don't want to say sorry, I want to say something else!"

I asked him what he wanted to say instead.

J blew a raspberry.

10.
Let's end on a disturbing note.

J was having a tantrum, with tears streaming down his cheeks.

R licked his face. He then smiled and said, "mmm, yummy salty tears."

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